Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Why I'm going to see a 3D movie tomorrow.

If you don't laugh at 1.21 you're a far better person than I.

I'm gonna do it. There's no use trying to talk me out of it. I've made up my mind. My life's not worth it anymore but that's not the point. Tomorrow I'm going to see Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs.

It's not that I have much investment in the Ice Age opus. I couldn't tell you if I've seen both or only one and in that case which one that would be (Taekwondo-dos? I remember that being funny. That was funny right?) I'm going for one reason and one reason only and that's the silly glasses.

You see, 3D is so busy getting talked up by the distributors and down by the critics it's become the yo-yo thrown at the 3D-bespectacled House of Wax audience (reference - citation needed). Mark Kermode is peddling a very convincing argument as to the fact 3D is supposedly what will save cinemas and yet they're charging us more for it. They're charging us for keeping them going, but hey that's kinda how businesses work. I'm not so interested in whether this is the future of cinema as we know it (James Cameron is making Avatar 3D so clearly he thinks it is, but then again he also thinks the same thing about himself) or just a gimmicky gimmick developed to support the interests of the plastic 3D glasses industry, what is important is that I'm going to see one tomorrow; I'm handing over my money. Is there any more beautiful thought for movie producers than that?

Kermode - so disgusted he looks at the camera 33% less than usual.

Because the fact is I like 3D. I like paying to have things pointed as much as the next heterosexual man. It's fun and has more dimensions than that 2D shit down the hall (Does anybody go to 2D showings of 3D movies? Surely it must be like paying for cheap seats at the theatre because they face the wrong way. Like the shadows on Plato's cave wall but more depressing.) I went to see Bolt and it was a lot like seeing a Disney movie about a dog but somehow the point-factor made it that little bit more enjoyable. Monsters VS Aliens was by no means the saviour of cinema that Cameron's looking for but it worked. Things pointed and I gurgled like a baby with a pimped-out mobile above its cot.

For me 3D is spectacle (must find... workable... glasses pun), it's an event, it's what going to the cinema was before they started building them in shopping malls as a creche for bored teens. I'm not a complete cretin, yes I'd still like the movies to be good but I'm willing to take a risk for a film that might not be because dammit, 3D is fun. I'm not sure whether it can translate to serious cinema or whether it will always be in the low-brow, base enjoyments of comedy and horror (Wish I'd seen My Bloody Valentine. Bloody pointy things > Regular pointy things) but I like it and I'm going to see it so stop hassling me and how did you get this number?

Also, Up? August? 3 months later than the US? In the words of Gob Bluth: "Come on!"

I've got to say, it'll be nice to see what a good 3D movie looks like.

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